Ditch The Crutches Babe
So, I just hopped off the peloton. Kirsten Ferguson lit a fire under me, she literally put into motivation words the past few years of my life. The class started out with her doing some daily affirmations and saying “ditch the crutches babe, be the women you were destine and meant to be”.
Crutches. You might be thinking those metal things used for injury. They hold you back, slow you down, and you can’t wait to get rid of them. Crutches. I had held onto so many crutches the beginning of last year. I had so much fear, so many moments of why me? It was a really dark place. I found myself in the middle of multiple transitions the past few years. I became a mom of 2, I became an autism mom and a child with chronic auto immune diseases, I left my career and had to find a new identity. I woke up most days sobbing texting a dear friend “when will it get better?” I was allowing those crutches of fear, judgement, and grief hold me back. Keep me in a place of zero growth, depression, anxiety and misery.
And then I found Instagram friends, moms that where in the same field of life I was. I remember reading their words and thinking Ally, find the joy. Ally, find the why. Ally, find your new identity. And lastly Ally, it’s okay to feel how you are feeling but you CANNOT stay here. So, I had to get rid of those crutches. I had to start walking. I wanted to become the mom I always knew I was meant to be, that my kids deserved. I wanted to be a better wife. A better friend. And I realized I had to put in the work. I had to stop relying on those crutches to get me to those things and put in the dang work.
I began to slowly find the joy. I realized that I am here because God, has prepared me my entire life to be here. In the situations I am in. My mom reminded me that as an elementary student I use to volunteer in our church nursery because I loved babies so much. And she also reminded me that while in elementary school one of my speech assignments was to read to the autism support class and I feel in love with the kids so much I volunteered my time to continue to read to them all the way through high school, because they were so special to me. God has been preparing me my whole life to be a mom, an autism mom but those crutches blinded me from that.
So I started embracing myself, who I knew I could be and held myself accountable. What my life is, and the joy that runs through our household now is indescribable. I was always waiting for others to fix things for me, to put in the work and I never held myself accountable. That’s done, I’m never settling. I want something to change I realize that I am the only one who can make that change happen. No one can do it for me.
Advocating is NOT easy. On any level. If you knew me growing up it’s probably funny seeing me so loud and obnoxious about things. Because I’ve always been shy, quiet but I have always had the fight deep down in me. I think a lot of time society quiets that fight. You know you can be viewed as a complainer for sharing anything other then the good in your life. You can be judged on so many levels for telling your story. You can be ripped down or mocked for trying to provide a healthier lifestyle for your family of clean eating, diets or healing. But then I remind myself if those people were in my shoes and walked my life they would be doing the same thing, and they’re so lucky they’re not in my shoes. So silence the hate. Fight. Follow your gut.
With recent events in America, I am sure a lot of you are thinking our words don’t matter/ won’t make a change. But that’s the farthest from the truth. I am glad to see a lot of society stepping up, calling their local senators offices, demanding a change.Our words do matter, our words as moms, as community members, our words as women MATTER. Step out of your comfort zone and start fighting. Stop settling. Stop allowing the crutches to hold us back. Our country, our children, our health physically & mentally deserve SO much more.
